Lilith in Synastry

One of my longest relationships featured a Lilith-Sun/Ascendant conjunction in synastry. I was the Sun/Ascendant person, while he was the Lilith person. It was a complicated, intense, spicy hot love affair that changed both of our lives.

In Hebrew tradition, Lilith was Adam’s first wife. Unlike Eve, Lilith was created from the ground, the same way Adam was created. She was highly sexual, but not out of desire for procreation. Indeed, she was not satisfied with traditional forms of love-making. Lilith refused to submit to patriarchal authority, and decided to leave the Garden of Eden. This angered Adam, and he threatened that if she didn’t return, 100 of the children she birthed ever day would die. Lilith, however, became angry and did not return to Adam. Instead, she continued to birth children (despite the fact that they were destined to die). She would seduce men when she was bored, then murder them or drive them to insanity. Adam eventually had God create Eve from his rib, as he found Lilith too difficult to handle.

Lilith in a woman’s chart shows how and under which circumstances her sexual energy is released. Lilith also relates to where and how we use our feminine power, and shows us the place where we hold vengefulness. Prominent feminists and women in positions of considerable power have strongly placed Liliths in their charts. Think Gloria Steinam and Hilary Clinton. Think Samantha from “Sex and the City,” who refused to submit to men in the workplace, and in bed. She had sex “like a man,” and didn’t apologize for it, despite societal expectations.

Lilith represents the temptress, seducer, and is often compared to a “home wrecker.” Lilith represents the scary side of women, and what men fear the most. The fulfillment of her sexual appetites and desires was what Lilith cared for the most, and any attempt to hamper her sexual self-expression was met with hostility and violence. Lilith is magnetic, and has the power to mesmerize those she comes in contact with. She uses sexuality to further her own goals, and takes no prisoners.

In a man’s chart, Lilith represents the type of woman he fears, and craves, the most. It is the type of woman that can drive him over the edge with obsession and desire. As evidenced in the story of Adam and Lilith, (many) men are inherently uncomfortable with sexually liberated and unapologetic who break the mold of Eve, who represents the “traditional wife”. They feel threatened by her, and seek to suppress and limit her, while affording themselves the rights to do as they please.  This is why men label “promiscuous” women as “sluts”, yet congratulate themselves and one another for their own sexual conquests.

In synastry, Lilith brings an untamed, wild sexual energy, feelings of obsession, and intense, transformative interactions. When your Lilith aspects your someone’s planet (especially the Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars, or the Ascendant), you are magnetically attracted to this person, and can’t get them out of your mind. This aspect shows an amazing amount of sexual chemistry and an obsessive attraction.

Like Pluto, Lilith aspects in synastry act to draw out each person’s sexuality. Lilith sex is tantric, obsessive, and highly addictive. Couples with strong Lilith in synastry have an incredibly strong sexual attraction to one another, and it is difficult to keep them apart! Logic does not apply in Lilith relationships. Indeed, Lilith is what makes a man end a 20-year marriage out of the blue. Indeed, Lilith’s reputation as a “home wrecker” is well deserved. On the plus side, she can break someone free of their safe, habitual behavior.

Lilith relationships do not usually last, unless there are other supportive aspects. Couples with strong Lilith synastry aspects often break down due to feelings of unworthiness, rage, and revenge. Sometimes, the Lilith person keeps the planet person under her spell until she has succeeded in destroying the life of the planet person.


21 thoughts on “Lilith in Synastry

  1. my boyfriends chiron and lilith (an exact) are conjunct my sun and trine my pluto. my pluto is also conjunct his ascendant. sometimes it does feel like this relationship will be the end of me. i can’t speak as to how it makes him feel because he doesn’t like talking about his feelings, but my impression is that it scares him because he may try to break free( or more aptly stay disengaged ), but something in him keeps him from escaping. his pluto is square my ascendant, and one astrologer said that he was less attached to me than I was to him. I have to say that I don’t agree. we separated for a year and while i never got over him i was very happy with the person i was with and content. It was much harder for him.

    1. Hmm, since I haven’t seen your full synastry chart with him, I can’t say who is more interested in who. If you’d like me to take a look at your synastry with him, e-mail me to order a report at astroladyconsultations@gmail.com
      Anyway, Pluto contacts to the Ascendant both ways is very powerful, as is the aspect between his Chiron/Lilith and your Sun. A man’s Lilith in contact to a woman’s inner planets are indicative of a strong attachment based on desire and attachment. You are the kind of woman who can drive him over the edge. Lilith energy is somewhat like Pluto energy, so I’m sure he’s very attached to you (as long as the other aspects agree.)

  2. There is not too much info on Lilith in synastry out there. I am right now involved in a complicated, exausting, nerve wrecking relationship where among other terrible contacts between maps, the most exact is his Lilith trine my Venus. I feel like I am the only one who cares. I succeed in staying away for five months (exactly period of last Neptune retrogradation), and he never made the slightest attempt to see me even when I left – disapeared – without a word, without even a previous argument. He was not even curious, it seems. But then here I am, back to the ordeal. I feel like Im sick, of a bad disease I can do nothing about but wait and pray it heals with time. I´d like to know if, at least, does he have any feeling about me, or is it just an evil game for him? The only positive aspect between our maps is his Neptune conjunct ASC in exact trine my Moon conjunct ASC. Any clue about how he feels about me (as far as his Lilith is concerned)? Oh, his Mars at 29° capricorn, can it be taken as a trine to my Lilith at 02° Libra?

    1. Hi there,

      His Lilith trine your Venus is a nice aspect, actually. You draw out his sexuality and feelings of intensity. Yes, I would consider his Mars trine your Lilith, as well. There is a mutual fascination and attraction. His Neptune trine your Moon/AC is also good, but it certainly does not explain why he is acting so strangely towards you; these are very sweet, caring aspects. I would strongly encourage you to take a look at the rest of your aspects with him, your Composite chart, his natal chart, and ESPECIALLY his and your current transits to get to the real root of the matter. You mentioned you have terrible contacts, which would explain the nature of the relationship better than the Lilith and Neptune trines you share.

      If you would like to purchase a reading from me, let me know. I can help you figure out why he is acting this way. I can do a full synastry report, composite report, and/or transit report, which will explain everything. First-time customers get a discount.

  3. Thank you very much, I will consider your offer. Actually, it has been happening for the last three years without improvement and I have no hope left. I have a considerable astrologic background, enough to see that the problem shows very clear in the composite map: unaspected moon in the first, pluto conjunct uranus in the 12th squaring Venus in the 3th, saturn in the 5th… I was curious about the Lilith thing – and terrified also. You wrote that they say sometimes the Lilith person only allows their partner go away after destroying them. Hope I gather strenght to prevent that, but I recall Robert Hand when he says that in plutonian relationships – and “he” is a very plutonian scorpio – the partner that falls under the other´s power, even knowing they should leave, seldom finds the strenght for that, and have to wait till their tormentor get tired of the toy. I hate myself for being wrapped in such insanity. But thank you, once again.

    1. To be honest, the fact that your Lilith aspects are trines make the connection a lot more harmonious and much less destructive than I have described above. Hard aspects are the strongest, as you know. Harmonious aspects are flowing and much easier to handle. They are pleasing, and the desire to “destroy” is not as strong. It pretty much means you will have hot sex. HOWEVER, Uranus/Pluto square Venus?! Wow! That describes what you’re going through much more than your Lilith aspects do! I’ve had both aspects in composite before (though, not simultaneously), so I can empathize with you somewhat. Uranus square Venus is a pain- so much disruption and instability, yet so much excitement and attraction. Pluto square Venus is amazing- amazingly hot, but amazingly destructive. There is so much sexual desire, but so much obsession/possessiveness. Very, very destructive, and the feelings are very intense. Together, I can imagine how tough it must be. What Robert Hand said about Plutonian people is very true. It is so hard to leave; the fear of losing each other is so strong, yet the relationship is so emotionally/mentally/physically draining. I’d say forget about Lilith and focus more on the Pluto energy in the relationship- it describes the nature of the relationship much better than a couple of Lilth trines.

      1. Hello. Lately I’ve been learning about the quindicile aspect ie 165 aspect. I discovered that I have this placement with a certain individual between my BML and his Pluto?? :/ and both my mars/ bml is conjunct his north node in his eight house (if you use the placidus, Koch, porphyry houses, in equal house it would be seventh) but this aspect I’m learning is obsessive in its nature and when you add Pluto BML and mars plus personal points plus eight house? I imagine that would not be an aspect for the faint of heart?? :/ (run 😂) my Lilith/mars is opposite his Venus and south node? My moon conjuncts his Venus and his mars and loosely with his south node? I’ve read and heard that south node tells us the past and what the connection was in a previous lifetime but that were not supposed to stay there? Interesting

  4. Yes, my friend… But what can one do to avoid a plutonian relationship? Wear a lead vest to prevent radiation? Tough is the word… And the guilt… Oh my…

    1. You are not powerless or weak. It is all up to you. Do not let others destroy your spirit. You will move on when you are ready. The planets bring people into our lives to teach us lessons. As someone who has been in Plutonian relationships in the past, I definitely had to look within myself to find the strength to move on. But I could only do it when I was ready. It took a lot of willpower, but the lessons learned prevented me from making the same mistakes again.

  5. what about woman’s lilith conjunct man’s Sun? It’s not the first time I fall for a man who has his Sun conjunct my Black Moon Lilith. But it feels kind of one-sided(as in they’re not equally interested in me. or maybe just scared?lol)
    Also, does this go for all Liliths in the chart(asteroid, dark moon lilith, too?)

    1. Hi smarty, BM Lilith conjunct a man’s Sun- wow! This is a strong aspect. He puts you in touch with your sexuality- very powerful! The two of you trigger strong sexual feelings in one another. Yes, it could definitely be that he is scared of you; Lilith represents the type of woman a man desires, but fears, the most. In my experience, it is the Lilith person who feels the “pull” most strongly, though. The fact that the relationship feels one-sided is better explained by planet/angle/node/vertex connections, though. It would definitely add to the strong feelings you have for him, though. And no, the above refers to Black Moon Lilith specifically.

  6. Hi there, how about his Lilith that conjuncts his Pluto and conjuncts his Juno (all in Scorpio), which all conjunct my Juno in Scorpio. Then all these planets trine my moon in cancer conjunct his Chiron in cancer….. Also my Lilith in Scorpio trines his mars in Pisces and trines his Jupiter in cancer (grand trine)? Intense? (I’m not even adding his sun in my 8th house, moon on my decendant, and double mars trine sun whammy.) I haven’t seen him in a year and we are both completely obsessed with each other. Stalking each other on line. I just attempted to cut him off to attempt to make him make some sort of commitment to me and fully expect and hope he will go crazy if he cannot see what I am doing for a long enough period of time. Ugh men 🙂

  7. How do Lilith Oppositions work? Could use some help here.

    Male with Lilith at 22 Gem in his 8th (her 9th) opposite Female Sun 25 Sag. & Sextile the Female Mars 24 Leo

    Female Lilith at 16 Libra (both 12th houses) is opposite the Male Saturn at 19 Aries
    (note Male Saturn completes a Grand Trine with Females’ Mars & Sun and sits on Female’s Descendant.)

    Female Ascendent is 20 Libra, Male Asc is 27 Libra.

    To make things a bit more fun Male is a Capricorn with Moon in Gemini. Female is Sag with Moon in Virgo. Actually I think I could use a lot of help here…

  8. How about man’s moon conjunct woman’s black moon lilith to exact degree? since moon is the man’s type of woman and the kind of woman he’s attracted to but then it says that when lilith aspects personal planet it is the lilith person who becomes very attracted to the planet person. I’m curious to know how this aspect would effect the people involved, how would both the lilith person and the moon person feel in this situation? Thank you very much.

  9. Thank you for this, this helps explain some things for me.. I have had thus crazy intense, unstable, obsessive, passionate relationship with this man… No matter what happens between us, we have not been able to severe our tie to one another.
    The attraction is so strong I had to learn how to control it.. It was unbearable… Just being in the same room drove me mad with desire…
    The odd thing he’s not my usual type of guy…
    His Lilith conjunct my sun,moon,mercury
    His Lilith sextile my uranus
    His Lilith sextile my Pluto
    My Lilith conjunct his Uranus
    Lilith square Lilith

    The composite has Lilith conjunct moon/Pluto opps Venus

    It’s the best and worst thing I’ve ever had to go through….

  10. Thank you for giving clues abouth Lilith. Currently, I´m diving into the asteroids, having avoided them for years. I’ve found that both Psyche and Sedna’s myths are very describing of my own life and their Discovery Charts resonate strongly with mine. I am confused, though, because apparently so many of the asteroids deal with the female sexual energy and how can I tell them apart? How can I differentiate between let’s say Eros and Lilith? My Lilith is on my Moon in Leo. How would you describe this energy ..?

  11. Lovely post! May I ask what can be said about venus square lilith, lilith square neptune and jupiter conjunct lilith in a synastry chart? Thank you in advance!

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