Will my Ex come back?

I am asked this question constantly by my readers and friends. It is not an easy question to answer, but there are some ways to show your ex may come back into your life.

Astrology is all about timing. When a person enters and exits your life is ‘written in the stars’. Plenty of people come back together after time apart, while others stay out of your life for good.

Do retrogrades cause breakups? 

I find that a lot of my readers break up during a retrograde. Retrogrades are a time of reviewing and reassessing, so it makes sense that breakups happen during this time.

I’ve heard from many astrologers that the couple is likely to get back together once the retrograde is over. This can be true, but it really depends.

For example, a friend of mine break up with her boyfriend during Mars retrograde. Mars was retrograde in her 7th house, which is a very good indication that she would experience some relationship difficulties during this time.

She called me in a panic, and said she was scared he would be gone forever. I took a look at her chart and saw the retrograde in her 7th house, but I didn’t notice any major transits or progressions that would point to a huge break up.

After the retrograde was over (literally the day after), they got back together. It seems as though he needed a break from the relationship for a few weeks to reassess and review if this was a relationship he wanted to pursue further.  That is just how retrogrades work.

On the other hand, I had a major breakup during Venus retrograde many years ago. In this case, I was the one to break up with him. In my own chart, transiting retrograde Saturn was in square aspect to my natal Venus, which is a classic indication of a breakup.

All in all, I do not believe retrogrades themselves can bring permanent breakups, but they are likely to trigger a separation if you already have a ‘break up’ transit happening at the same time. If not, there is a good chance you will get back together after the retrograde is over.

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Do retrogrades bring people back from the past?

Yes, they do!

This is especially true if you have a retrograde planet transiting your 7th house or your 7th house ruler.

It can also occur when retrograde in the 1st house, or if the retrograde planet makes a major aspect to the ruler of your 7th house or Venus. This can signal that an old flame will re-enter your life.

But will this person stay permanently? It depends on the connection between the two people.

Synastry connections that indicate breakups and reunions

There are a few synastry connections that point to on-off relationships

Inner planets (especially Venus) in square aspect to Uranus

When you see a connection like this in a synastry chart, it points to an unpredictable and erratic relationship. In this relationship, there may be plenty of breakups and reunions, or hot-cold energy between the couple.

The Uranus person is likely to bring this energy to the relationship. When the Venus person gets too close or dependent on the Uranus person, the Uranus person feels suffocated and restricted and pulls away.  The Uranus person eventually ends up missing the Venus person and reunites with them, only to pull away again for the same reasons as before.

I find that Sun, Moon and Mars in aspect to Uranus indicate an on-off energy as well. Same goes for Uranus in aspect to another person’s 7th house ruler.

Planets conjunct the South Node

When one person’s planets (particularly personal planets like Sun, Moon, Venus, and Mars) is conjunct another person’s South Node, the couple shares a past-life connection. The connection they have is comfortable and familiar, as they have met in previous lives.

This connection tends to keep two people together for a long time. Over time, however, the South Node person, while comfortable, may feel stifled by the relationship. At the same time, the planet person may feel drained by the relationship, for they feel they are constantly ‘giving’ in the relationship.

Despite these issues, the sense of comfort and familiarity may lead these two to reunite over and over. Depending on the rest of the synastry chart (and natal charts), these two may stay together forever, or may eventually break up.

Planets conjunct the North Node 

This aspect indicates these two are meant to learn from and grow with each other. The Node person particularly feels a sense of destiny and fate in this relationship, for the planet person acts like a guide for the Node person to realize their full potential.

This can be quite exhilarating, or frightening, depending on the person’s relationship with their North Node. The planet person brings the North Node person out of their comfort zone and challenges them to learn and grow.

As a result of this, the Node person may pull away from the planet person out of fear of change. They may feel very settled in their South Node qualities and be resistant to any type of transformation.

However, as the planet person matures. the pull of the North Node may be too strong to ignore. The Node person knows the planet person is ‘good’ for them, so they may end up reuniting with the planet person over and over.


In conclusion, we must look at the synastry connections and transits of a couple to determine whether they have the potential to get back together:

  • In synastry, check for harsh Uranus aspects and Nodal connections. These often point to couples who break up and get back together frequently.
  • As for timing, look for retrogrades of Mercury, Venus, Mars in the 7th house or in aspect to the 7th house ruler.


Click here to read How to Read a Synastry Chart

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The Absolute Best Synastry Aspects

The Synastry Chart, in addition to the Composite Chart, provides much insight into overall compatibility of a couple. The Composite Chart represents the relationship itself and what the two of you create when you are together. Synastry, on the other hand, explains how two people affect and influence each other directly. Both are very important to consider in a relationship.

So, what are the absolute best synastry aspects?

Well-Aspected 7th House Rulers 

What is your 7th house ruler?

  • If your 1st house is in Aries, your 7th house ruler is Venus
  • If your 1st house is in Taurus, your 7th house ruler is Pluto
  • If your 1st house is in Gemini, your 7th house ruler is Jupiter
  • If your 1st house is in Cancer, your 7th house ruler is Saturn
  • If your 1st house is in Leo, your house ruler is Uranus
  • If your 1st house is in Virgo, your house ruler is Neptune
  • If your 1st house is in Libra, your house ruler is Mars
  • If your 1st house is in Scorpio, your house ruler is Venus
  • If your 1st house is in Sagittarius, your 7th house ruler is Mercury
  • If your 1st house is in Capricorn, your 7th house ruler is your Moon
  • If your 1st house is in Aquarius, your 7th house ruler is your Sun
  • If your 1st house is in Pisces, your 7th house ruler is Mercury

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: the 7th house ruler for each partner is very important in synastry. The 7th house represents commitment and partnership, so you can tell a lot about a relationship when looking at how each person’s 7th house ruler is aspected.

If your 7th house ruler receives a square from your partner’s Saturn, it may be difficult to get the relationships off the ground. There may be obstacles and barriers to you being together.

If your Uranus is square your partner’s 7th house ruler, you bring an unstable and unpredictable energy to your partner’s area of partnership and commitment. Your partner likely sees you as someone undependable and erratic, and it may be difficult for you to make a full commitment to each other.

Sun conjunct Moon (trine, opposition, and sextile also work)

The Sun represents ones essence and personality, while the Moon represents our emotions and what makes us feel secure. Postiive aspects between the Sun and Moon in synastry indicate a ‘marriage’ between the yin and yang. The Sun person feels supported and cared for by the Moon person, and the Moon person feels safe and loved by the Sun person. Together, they make a great team. The opposition is also potent in synastry because it indicates a lot of fascination and attraction between the couple. As they say, “opposites attract”!

Sun conjunct Venus (trine, opposition, and sextile also work)

Venus represents love and beauty, while the Sun represents one’s essence and true self. Aspects between these two planets indicate love, pure and simple. This is not a wildly obsessive, romantic type of love, as it is commonly seen in the charts of good friends and family members. In a romantic relationship, however, this aspect is wonderful, for it increases the compatibility between you, and signifies that you really ‘like’ each other!

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Moon conjunct Venus (trine, opposition, and sextile also work)

I may be biased because I have had this aspect so many times (particularly the conjunction), but it is truly a magical connection to share with someone. This is such a sweet, caring and loving aspect. The two people feel very ‘at home’ with each other. Expressing your love and emotions to one another feels easier than usual. You bring out each other’s sweetness and vulnerability. This is such a perfect aspect to find in a synastry chart.

Venus conjunct Mars (trine, opposition, and sextile also work)

Interaspects between Venus and Mars are so spicy hot and deserve a spot in my list of best synastry aspects! These aspects indicate the blending of love with sex, leading to much passion and desire. I’ve found this aspect keeps the fire burning between a couple for a very long time, which is so important when it comes to keeping a relationship fresh. Sex is satisfying and usually quite frequent. The two of you intuitively know how to turn each other on, and can barely keep your hands off each other.

Moon or Venus in the same sign (i.e. Moon conjunct Moon, Venus conjunct Venus)

I’ve seen way too many of these aspects in synastry charts, so I had to mention them! The Moon represents our emotional nature, so when it is in conjunction to another person’s Moon, emotional compatibility is indicated.

The same can be said about Venus – these two express love in the same way, so it makes sense that they would be happy together. There is an intuitive understanding between them, and neither has to explain themselves too much. They just *get* each other.

Personal planets conjunct the North Node (especially Sun, Moon, Venus or ruler of the 7th house)

If your planet makes a conjunction to another person’s North Node, there is a feeling that the two of you are heading somewhere together. Both partners can feel progress taking place when they are with each other. It’s a bizarre feeling to explain: it may feel uncomfortable, but it also feels right.

The planet person is guiding the North Node person towards their potential and encouraging them to come out of their comfort zone. This aspect tends to bind people together for a long time, for the feeling of fate is very strong.

What about the South Node? This CAN bind people together for a very long time, and usually does. However, the South Node is very draining, especially for the planet person, so it might not work out in the long run. Check out my South Node article to find out more.

Conjunction to Vertex (especially inner planets)

So many long term couples have significant Vertex contacts in synastry, especially when they involve inner planets. For example, one person’s Sun conjunct another person’s Vertex.

The Vertex is seen as a point of fate, so someone who has strong Vertex aspects with you impacts you powerfully. It feels like this relationship is meant to be, and you can feel this when you are together.

Venus sextile or trine Pluto

I had to add Venus-Pluto to this list. It is the ultimate ‘Beauty and the Beast’ aspect, as it indicates the blending of love (Venus) and intense passion (Pluto).

Hard aspects can be hard to deal with, depending on your personality. Some people simply need drama and intensity in their relationships, so they can ‘handle’ hard Venus-Pluto aspects.

Softer aspects, however, are much easier to deal with. They inject a good amount of intensity and passion without being overwhelming. There is a deep love and intensity between the couple without the power struggles and intense jealousy that come with the hard aspects.

Mars sextile or trine Pluto

This aspect is another one of my favourites. The sexual connection in this case is off the charts!

Mars represents sex and energy, while Pluto represents intensity and passion. As you can imagine, the blending of these two planets indicates a lasting sexual connection.

In this relationship, sex is fulfilling and satisfying for both parties.

House overlays in “relationship” houses

These houses are: the 1st house, 4th house, 5th house, 7th house and 8th house.

The 1st house represents one’s physical appearance and persona. If someone’s planets fall in this house, there is a good indication of attraction, or at least taking notice of you. Venus and Mars in this house are especially sexy.

The 4th house represents one’s home, family, and past. Someone’s planets in your 4th house indicates they impact you on a deep level. The 4th house is a watery, emotional house, so this person may bring you in touch with deep emotions.

The 5th house represents fun, games, and romance, so planets overlaying in this house indicates a strong bond between the individuals. The house person feels more romantic and flirty around the planet person, and there the two of them feel very good when they are together.

The 7th house represents partnerships and formal commitments, so it is no surprise that this house is important when it comes to relationships. When someone’s planets fall in your 7th house, you cannot help but want to partner with them in some way. You naturally want to build an equal and harmonious bond with them, and want their input in your decisions. They force you to look at the other side of the coin and see a different perspective, almost like they are a mirror to you.

The 8th house represents sex, intimacy, and passion, so this house is an important one to consider in synastry. When someone’s planets fall in your 8th house, they bring up very intense feelings from you. You cannot feel indifferent to them; there is usually a love-hate theme in the relationship. You love them passionately, but despise them equally when you feel upset with them. Sex and intimacy are taken to another level in 8th house relationships; you truly feel you want to merge with each other.

Please note: you should look at the house overlays of both partners. If you find that one person’s planets overlay onto your ‘relationship houses’, while your planets do not overlays onto their ‘relationship houses’, an imbalanced relationship can be indicated.

For example, if my Sun falls in your 8th house, you feel very strongly for me. I bring out very deep and intense feelings out of you, and you feel I have a transformative effect on your life. If your Sun falls in my 11th house, I might not feel the same way. I might see you as more of a friend than a lover, which might be devastating for you.

This list is not exhaustive, and you do not need to have every single aspect in your synastry chart for the relationship to work. As I’ve said before, I think a good Composite Chart is more important than good Synastry (at least in terms of long-term compatibility), so there’s that.


Click here to read The Absolute Best Composite Aspects

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