Many of my clients are involved in on-and-off relationships, and want to know if they will ever settle down into a long-term, stable relationship. These types of relationships are unstable, unpredictable, and hard to manage. Feelings for each other can run hot and cold, and it can be difficult to know exactly where you stand with each other.
According to Healthline, “Findings from various studies suggest anywhere from about 30 to 60 percent of dating young adults have some experience with on-and-off relationships, also known as relationship cycling or churning.”
In astrology, what aspects point to on-and-off relationships?
Uranus is responsible for on-and-off relationships. Why is that?
Uranus is the planet of instability, unpredictability, and change. When someone’s Uranus makes hard aspects to your natal planets or angles, an unstable and unpredictable connection is indicated. In this relationship, it may be difficult to settle down into a committed and stable relationship.
In these relationships, feelings of love and attraction develop very quickly and unexpectedly, but can disappear in a similar fashion.
In relationships which feature strong Uranus in synastry, it is the Uranus person who usually brings the unstable energy to the relationship. In these cases, the Uranus person usually feels stifled or repressed by the planet person, which can cause them to withdraw from the relationship. This is especially the case if the planet person is trying to pressure the Uranus person for commitment.
However, the Uranus person might eventually start missing them and will want to get back with the planet person. The cycle of breaking up and getting back together might go on a long time before someone breaks it off for good.
Aspects to look out for:
- One person’s Sun conjunct, square, or opposite another person’s Uranus
- One person’s Moon conjunct, square, or opposite another person’s Uranus
- One person’s Venus conjunct, square, or opposite another person’s Uranus
- One person’s Mars conjunct, square, or opposite another person’s Uranus
- One person’s Ascendant conjunct, square, or opposite another person’s Uranus
- One person’s 7th house ruler conjunct, square, or opposite another person’s Uranus
Strong Uranus aspects in a couple’s Composite Chart is another excellent indication of an on-off relationship. It indicates a relationship that is unstable and unpredictable, and the couple may have difficulty settling down into a stable and committed partnership.
In relationships like these, one or both partners may feel smothered or restricted by the other, which can result in pulling away or distancing themselves from each other. However, one or both partner may start missing the relationship and get back together, only for the cycle to repeat itself once again.
For these couples, freedom and individuality are very important. This does not necessarily mean the relationship should be open or non-monogamous, but it should allow both people a lot of space to be their authentic selves.
Aspects to look out for:
- Composite Sun conjunct, opposite, or square Composite Uranus
- Composite Moon conjunct, opposite, or square Composite Uranus
- Composite Venus conjunct, opposite, or square Composite Uranus
- Composite Mars conjunct, opposite, or square Composite Uranus
- Composite 1st house ruler conjunct, opposite, or square Composite Uranus
- Composite 7th house ruler conjunct, opposite, or square Composite Uranus
- Composite Ascendant conjunct, opposite, or square Composite Uranus
If you are currently involved in an on-and-off relationship, I’d also encourage you to take a look at your transits.
Hard Uranus transits to your natal planets, angles, or houses can indicate you will enter an on-an-off relationship.
During this time, you might meet one or many love interests. These relationships start very suddenly and unexpectedly, and feelings develop rapidly. Uranus is like a lightning bolt that jolts us into a period of excitement and unpredictability, and can be quite disorienting for those who are not used to the energy.
However, the partners you attract during this time may be Uranus-oriented (i.e. strong Aquarius or Uranus placements in their natal chart). They are different than the type of person you are used to dating; perhaps they are from a different ethnic background, culture, or social status than you. You revel in your partner’s uniqueness and individuality, and you feel excited about your relationship with them.
Over time, however, you may feel your partner pulling back from you, which might confuse you. Things were going so well, what went wrong?
Uranus is all about freedom and independence, so Uranian energy can definitely complicate relationships. Your partner might feel smothered or restricted by the relationship, which leads them to take many breaks from you. They might return to you, only to pull away again. This can be very confusing and frustrating for you, given how quickly your feelings developed for them.
Attempting to control or manipulate a Uranus-oriented person is not advised. Uranus people adore their freedom, and are not easily attached to others. If a relationship feels too serious or traditional, they perceive it as a burden and want to escape.
During a Uranus transit, it is best to go with the flow and enjoy your time with your partner. In fact, you may not even be interested in them once the transit is over!
Transits to watch out for:
- Transit Uranus square your natal Venus
- Transit Uranus square your natal Mars
- Transit Uranus square your natal 5th house ruler
- Transit Uranus square your natal 7th house ruler
- Transit Uranus through your 5th house
- Transit Uranus through your 7th house
I recently had a Uranus square Venus transit, and had an interesting experience. I met an Aquarius guy and feel pretty hard for him. We met online- go figure- and feelings definitely developed quickly. We even said “I love you” to each other within the first month, which in retrospect was totally crazy, as we barely knew each other.
The relationship, however, was very on-and-off. For whatever reason, we were unable to settle down into a predictable and stable routine together. It was an extremely frustrating, yet exciting relationship.
So how did it all end? I got sick of the on-off nature of the relationship and broke things off. Oddly enough, once the transit was completely over, I lost all interest in him, and I was even confused as to why I was with him in the first place.
What about if all of your relationships are on-and-off? Throughout my time doing readings for my clients, some of them had never been in a serious, committed relationship before.
Strong Uranus in your natal chart can point to difficulty finding a stable relationship.
In some cases, the person really wants to settle down, but can only seem to attract unstable partners.
More often, the person might be subconsciously choosing unavailable partners due to their own fear of commitment. I also find that some of these folks love the excitement and unpredictability of the relationship, for it keeps them from getting bored.
Aspects to look out for:
- Natal Sun conjunct, square, or opposite natal Uranus
- Natal Moon conjunct, square, or opposite natal Uranus
- Natal Venus conjunct, square, or opposite natal Uranus
- Natal Mars conjunct, square, or opposite natal Uranus
- Natal Ascendant conjunct, square, or opposite natal Uranus
- Natal 5th house ruler conjunct, square, or opposite natal Uranus
- Natal 7th house ruler conjunct, square, or opposite natal Uranus
- Natal Uranus in the 5th house
- Natal Uranus in the 7th house
Are you currently in an on-off relationship? What synastry or Composite aspects do you share with them, which may explain the on-off energy?
Click here to read the Astrology of Toxic Relationships